June 13, 2008

Believe

I've come a long way in my life, like most people. I've experienced a worthless father who ditched me, my mom and my sister to pursue a life of alcohol and drugs. Slept on floors where bugs cuddled in my sleeping bag at my feet, ridden in the back of my fathers pick-up truck while a thunderstorm raged. I spent 11 years of my life being picked on and bullied, even being beat up, kicked in the ribs, head, and stomach right in front of a teacher.
My throat has had the joy of meeting the barrel of a warm gun, my head and throat the wonder of a barrel pressed firmly against them.
I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and suffered the dazzlingly wonderful effects of panic attacks, including but not limited to, days on end with puke at the edge of my throat, shakes so bad my knees knocked and my teeth rattled, and the overwhelming urge to pass out while gasping for air although I was still breathing.
But, you know what, I'm okay.
I don't sit in solace and destroy the brain cells floating inside my skull with alcohol or drugs to escape any part of my past or my present.
I believe in fate, God, and that everything will in fact be OK.
Life, and all the burning embers that eat away the pages in the books of our lives, may not always be easy. It's not supposed to be easy, it's not supposed to be a stroll in the park.
This cane we all hobble upon sometimes it a necessary implement for true living.
There's no reason to run from it, hide from it(you don't need to drink or smoke pot to be "you" or be "happy", that's an excuse).
Yet, there is plenty of reason to enjoy it, believe in happiness and dreams, wake up every morning and see that every day truly is a new day.
In all, I've seen and been through a lot of crap, but my life isn't crap.
Hopefully I can inspire people to walk tall without the need for escaping into whatever your drug may be (drugs, alcohol, sex, suicide, cutting yourself), there's too much to see, to many majestic sunsets and sunrises to watch. There are too many clouds to look for shapes in, to many breezes to feel blowing over your face, too many streams to feel running between your toes.
If you want to know more about the things I've been through, e-mail me, I'll tell you plenty of stories, or tell me yours.